3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
