He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
