the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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