i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
