I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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