Can i not drive my cunt home
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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