my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
