I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
