TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
