Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
