I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
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