The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
