Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
if you like me you must not know who I am
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Randomize
