dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
