the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Randomize