i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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