on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
this will be a night to untag.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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