I seem to have left my pride at pride
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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