I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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