I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
