I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
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