Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
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rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
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Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
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