Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
