they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
