My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
