Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
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