Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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