i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
