I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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