Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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