just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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