Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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