someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
