I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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