A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
