Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
