So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
