pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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