dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
i dont even know how to be here
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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