i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Randomize
