Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
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