u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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