I can text with my tongue
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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