my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
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