wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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