Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I touched a dick in church today
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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