Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
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