I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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