saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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