We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
