I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
