I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
How's work?
Spinning.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
