I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
