I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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