WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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