best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
