my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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