the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
third nipple confirmed
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
