As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Randomize
