he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
lol hangovers are for mortals.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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