is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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