her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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