so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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