i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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