its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
