It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
