did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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