I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
