wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
