OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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