i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
