Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
