I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
