Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
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come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
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...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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