My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
